In the footsteps of my friend Creativity

It is early morning, only 05.00 o’clock. I wake up and notice that I am awake. There is no need to go back to sleep. Instead I make myself a warm cup of water and sit down here with these words. I notice how much I enjoy the stillness, freshness, newness of the early morning. Yes honestly, most mornings I miss it. If I wake up I will turn over and make myself go to sleep again. Right now that all seems to me like turning away from life, from the awake moment calling to be received.. This early morning feeling, the arising of a new day…. it reminds me of the mornings when I visited Plum Village, a zen monastery in France. These fresh mornings. The early bell. Walking slowly between the buildings towards the meditation hall. Smelling the fresh air, feeling how the whole place is substantial with loving kindness, awake, fresh, calm, alive presence. And now, sitting here in my early morning in Norway, feeling some of this same morning magic, I want to tell you a story, a story about my deep friend Creativity, and how she gave me back to myself…

For as long as I can remember, in moments of deep connection with myself, what awakens is creativity. Creativity is like this fun friend that comes to my house inviting me to go for an adventure. She looks a lot like me. Brown hair and big brown eyes. Her eyes are maybe a bit more shiny than mine, because she doesn’t have any fear, and I do have a lot of it.. apart from that we are quite much the same. Well, she takes me on adventures, and as I follow her out, maybe into the woods, worlds open that expand the universe. I see with new eyes, the trees become alive and start sharing theirs stories, secret doors open toward inner and outer worlds, music whispers in my ears about everything that is possible, and inside it grows, the faith and the courage to follow this creative friend, further and further into the forrest….

One day as I follow her into the woods, we play hide and seek among the trees, as we have done so many times before. She suddenly stops by a tall tree. “Just a moment” she says. Quickly like an animal, she climbs up, higher and higher until she disappears up there in the green leaves. I feel a bit lonely standing alone back on the ground. But I feel the moist ground and the deep smell of green and brown love I am surrounded with. She will soon be back, I tell myself, comforting. But the minutes pass, and she is not returning. I try to look up through the thick leaves but I cannot see her….But then I feel something landing on my head. I look up and see her waving… “Come!” I’m not that used to climbing trees, but when I feel guided by my friend, stuff like this, that I have never done before, often feel easy… as if I know it without knowing that I know it. I climb the tree, higher and higher…

Arriving up in the top of the tree I find my spot on the branch beside my friend Creativity. She smiles at me and looks out over the landscape…The forrest is huge… trees in all directions as far as we can see…birds flying between them, sounds of wind… And far, far away some green hills and some snowy mountains behind them. “From up here we’ve got a great overview» she says. “But when you stand down there in the deep green forrest you cannot see very far ahead… It is easy to forget the freedom and spaciousness that comes with seeing the bigger picture… and still … that is what we choose…. Walking those narrow small paths in-between the trees, feeling small, and vulnerable in the midst of the big forrest…”

 

It is true. It feels amazing to be up here, I feel so free, so happy, so unlimited! I imagine myself with big strong wings on my back, taking off from my branch, swirling higher and higher…with my friend beside me, dancing on the winds, circling the universe of unlimited creative potential and never ever coming down again…but she looks at me without any words and then it dawns on me… what I always know deep deep inside… I know….YES I choose to walk those narrow paths, because who I am is beyond limit, is beyond cold feet, hunger and loneliness…This beautiful and challenging human path is my chosen beloved adventure!

As if she knows that I know, she says: “We will soon climb down. And from here you need to continue your path alone. I brought you here so you could see these things. So you could come to love yourself in the midst of your challenges and keep remembering who you really are. Now it is time to take some steps alone…it is time to find your own path…

We sit for a while in silence. I feel one single tear moving slowly down my cheek. It is finding its path as I need to find mine. And as it runs down my cheek it tells a story of love, truth and gratitude. I think to myself that I want my life also to tell a beautiful story every step of its way…

She says “You know the signs on this path are like nothing you know from before …when we get down again from this tree, you will find a small path disappearing into the unknown. You need to follow this path as far as you can and then, you need to listen. Listen, listen with your whole being and let your path come to you…”

“Is that my only option, I cannot go home to my comfy sofa?” I ask pretending to be funny.

“…those other days, I have taken you for excursions outside your comfort zone, and you have been following me to build courage and stamina, and learn to follow the signs… You are ready now…you path is waiting for you..but know I am never far away. I am always right here.” She points up over my head, to that sacred connection that I do not know that I know that I know about. And I smile because still it feels reassuring, it feels as if I will be able to find some kind of ground right there in the midst of the mystery of not knowing..

We climb down from the tree. The forrest is dark and green around us. The sunlight that was so bright and invigorating up there in the top of the tree, beams down on us as if to remind me that it is still there in the deep blue endless sky far above us, even if it is hidden behind the treetops and the clouds that inevitably will come.

 

As if she hears my inner dialogue she quickly turns towards me, and stand in front of me. She looks me into the eyes with this look that reminds me of who I really am, and while she holds my hands she says. “Yes, you will get lost,. Yes you will misinterpret some signs. Yes you will be leaded astray and come to those places that you think are the wrong places…, but will you let that prevent you from following your path?

I know the answer. Nothing can prevent me…because I am my path…

“Take care… she says. Look for me in the sun playing in the leaves, and hear me in the song of the birds… find me in the running water, and in the deep blue night sky. Know that when you choose your own path you are never alone..travel safely.”

 

And with these words she turns around and walks away from me.The silence after her words is filled with the beauty of presence.